I smile a lot when I'm in class, but sometimes, it all seem a bit forced.

I've a lot to think about, so much stress... It's hard to smile and laugh. And I'm so pissed off because of that! I don't want my friends to see me like this! I want to be happy and laugh and and...

I want to be a good friend.

I remember when I made people laugh and was so care-free. But those memories fades away and I'm in panic; what will I do if I don't remember them anymore? How it all used to be?

I dislike how I'm now. I think far too often in a negative way and I've a hard time forgetting all the bad, bad memories... I've let people down way too often. And when I can think that it's just to walk up to them and start to talk to them, it's easier said than done. I'm so, so afraid that they will just walk ahead without me. But I know that they will do that if I don't do anything. You have to give and not just take, take, take.

All I want is to get rid of this guilt. sleepless nights. bad memories. So I can laugh and smile with ease.


I'm so full of despair haha ...